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Relationships
3 Reasons I'm not into to marriage:
* I would never want to participate in a man made institution that doesn't allow equal rights for everyone. How dare anyone be so superior that they think gay people shouldn't have the same rights as straights.
* I think is archaic that a women would throw away her last name to take a man's. Whatever happened to keeping your identity. ... See More
* It doesn't work for the most part. Divorce is the most likely outcome.
I am not afraid to write about some personal things. The incriminating parts of my life will be in the book/movie, so you'll have to wait until it's published/produced to find out the really juicy things. Oh, never mind, it's fictional. It's not about me! ;)
Today I'd like to start a dialog about relationships of any kind or at minimum I'll write about my experiences. I've gone from one extreme to another. I had "serious relationships from 12-23. WTF, why is a 12 year old in a relationship? Actually my first "relationship" was with Daniel for 2 months in 7th grade. "You're The Inspiration" by Chicago was our song. haha, now you know how old I am. Seventh grade was a tough year. I should have had more guidance. My mom was such a good little girl, Valedictorian of her graduating class. Although she married a bad boy, my dad. She was such a sweet little girl. He mesmerized women. At 56 yrs old, he still does. Both of them were/are gorgeous & intelligent. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I was very private & hid all of my feelings from everyone. Maybe that's why I am so open now. My mom had no idea what I was feeling or doing. Who didn't say drop me off at the mall to go to the movies & left to go to parties or whatever.
When I was in 8th grade I had a boyfriend, Dustin, for 8 months. That's crazy. A little girl at the age of 12 or 13 has no business dating a boy for that long. I thought I loved him. We would go to the movies & kiss the entire time. Everybody did. If I have kids & my nephews will never be able to pull anything over me & my sister. Tricks won't work here! We know them all.
9th grade was amazing because I was single & had so much fun with my friends & be a cheerleader. Yes I was a cheerleader, can't you see that? ;) I had many guy friends. I could flirt all of the time & I did. It's my natural inclination. Boyfriends hate that. Deal with it, because I am friendly/flirty.
In 10th grade Chad talked me into dating him. He really did plead his case over & over, I finally acquiesced. I ended up being madly in love with him, at least as much as a 10th grade can love. He & I argued all of the time. He was jealous about the flirting & we were both so stubborn. There can only be one stubborn one in a relationship. We dated for 1 yr & 9 months. His mom became my best friend. I still love her so much. She & I have a very close spiritual connection. He died a few years ago. I found a photo album full of photos, cards, letters that Chad wrote me. I sent a lot to his mom today. Bless it. He use to be a baby boy. No mother expects her baby boy to die at 37 years old. I talk to him everyday. I think he is protecting me. Something weird: As I am writing about Chad, "What About Love" by Heart is playing on Pandora. That was one of his very favorite songs when he was in 12th grade. I was in 10th.
After Chad, I was single for 6-8 months, then met Matt when I was junior in high school. When I started dating Matt, I let all of my friends slip through my fingers. All I cared about was being with him. Not good. Don't be co-dependent & forget about your friends. I dated Matt from 17 yrs old until I was 23 yrs old! Almost 7 years. Crazy. He was/is such a great guy. At that time I thought I wanted to get married & have 2 or 3 kids. My thought process was, "he'll never cheat on me & he'll be a great father", which is true. I am different now. I leave it all up to God. I know I'll adopt kids that need a home at some point. The world is over populated as it is so why birth more kids! We need to rescue the kids that don't have parents taking care of them. I don't do anything that would cause me to birth my own kids, if ya know what I mean.
I dated Matt all through college & 3 years into my teaching career. I was different when I was 23 compared to a 17 yr old junior in high school. I finally broke up with him. It was hard. It took me that long to leave him because I was addicted to having someone adore me. I was also afraid to be bored & alone, plus he as my best friend. The final push for me to break up with him was praying to have friends again. God sent me some of the best girlfriends. I am very social. I am also a loner. But I needed my girls.
At 23 years old, I started living the college life of 18 tear old. I missed out on all of that because Matt would be too jealous if I lived on the college world. He was a few years older than I was so he wasn't in college. I met the girls that are my BFFS today. Six of us lived in a giant house. Everyone was so hot. The guys called it the bunny house. :)I loved living with my girls in the bunny house. Jenn taught me how to like coffee. Stories about living with my girls in the house could be an entire book. I'll save that for another blog.
Fast forward- after the bunny house, I dated Jeff. We were both crazy at that time. I didn't make good decisions during that hase of my life. Neither did he. I was suppose to be mature at that time. I was 26 or so. I came close to death too many times. We'll leave it at that for now. I adore Jeff to this day. I remain friends w/ all of my X BFs. He tried to take care of me. He even washed my underwear. I was a heaping tablespoon full though. Too much to handle. I am probably still too much to handle but in a different way, thank God.
Since then I have been single for about 8 years. Through out that time period, I dated guys, but I just didn't care about being "in a relationship". I love being the free spirit that I am. I will only date men, not stupid, loser boys or co-dependent jealous, annoying, boring guys. Blah, blah! It's so wonderful to be so fulfilled being connected to God, my family, friends, exciting career. I am not needy for anyone or anything.
I am not "that girl" that wants to get married. Guys have always tried to talk me into getting married. So far it hasn't worked. I don't think it will. I am open to being in love again, even thinking or saying that I'll stay with the man. I don't feel the need for that contract stating love. It started may years ago to control women & for the govt & businesses to make money. Not into it. I trust that I'll meet a guy that feels the same way as I do, not one that has to do the marriage thing. I am so glad I am not "that girl" that pressures a guy for marriage, wedding, a ring & birthing kids. Girls, please stop engaging in that stupidity. Guys too, because all of my last boyfriends pressured me all of the time. Annoying!
Be happy, be free, I'm Me!
Final thoughts: Co-dependence is not cute. Be a free spirit. Be fulfilled without having to have a significant other to fill your hole...in your soul ;). You're fine. You're beautiful. You're loved.
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