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I normally weigh a healthy 105-110 pounds, but my weight did fluctuate through the years. When I was a teenager around 14 years old I gained a lot of weight, about 15-20 pounds which was a lot for me. Especially measuring at 5'4 and being always super healthy and fit. I started to eat unhealthy because I was going through this funny period in my life. I wanted to rebel. Therefore, eating was a way of rebelling against myself. When I put on the weight I started to become paranoid. I was paranoid about the way I looked. I even started to take diet pills. The diet pills did not work. They ended up giving me anxiety and I just ended up eating more. I even tried vomiting my food after I ate it, but that ended up giving me stomach problems. Which I still have today.
It really was a catch 22. I just wasn't happy with myself. After a year of having an eating disorder. I remember watching the movie Austin Powers 2 and the character Fat Bastard has a line that he says, I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. I know it was suppose to be funny, but I was like, wow that is so true. ha! There was a point, where I finally started to clear my mind, eat well, and ran everyday before I went to school in the morning. I felt GREAT everyday. I had energy, built my self-esteem, and never looked back. I realized that it was a vicious cycle and I had to make some serious changes, because I didn't want my weight to control how I felt that day. If I gain a little weight now, I look at my body and say well, this is a new version of me For NOW, but I soon get right back into a healthy shape. I love my body now and I love my inner-self even more. :-)
My Secret to you is; When you are feeling down about yourself mentally or physically, you should do a few things. First, figure out what is it that you are feeling. Do a self test. Secondly, Think about the patterns that you are in at that moment in your life and try to change those patterns to a happy and healthy pattern. You are going to need strength within to get over this hump. You can do it. I know it. Big hug.
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